Shit No One Has Ever Said

"I’m actually kind of surprised that Obama’s running for President again."

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 15:35:57 -0400

“I’m actually kind of surprised that Obama’s running for President again.”

"Please give me a play-by-play of your dreams last night, including a detailed description of your..."

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 10:47:01 -0400

“Please give me a play-by-play of your dreams last night, including a detailed description of your room that wasn’t really your room in the dream, but that you could tell was still supposed to be your room.”

- Submitted by thestepfordliberal

"Sucker Punch looks like it’s going for substance over style."

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 14:36:07 -0400

“Sucker Punch looks like it’s going for substance over style.”

"Jeez, I really wanted to continue this argument but you just called me privileged so I guess..."

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 15:28:40 -0400

“Jeez, I really wanted to continue this argument but you just called me privileged so I guess that’s game, set, and match.”

"I went into teaching for the money."

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 13:06:50 -0400

“I went into teaching for the money.”

- Submitted by iamlittlei

"I round Pi down to 3, so all of March is Pi Month for me."

Mon, 14 Mar 2011 11:35:00 -0400

“I round Pi down to 3, so all of March is Pi Month for me.”

"I think our relationship needs a little more irony."

Thu, 10 Mar 2011 16:49:49 -0500

“I think our relationship needs a little more irony.”

"James O’Keefe is a modern-day Nellie Bly."

Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:08:00 -0500

“James O’Keefe is a modern-day Nellie Bly.”

sendingicebergs: lipsbetweenthehips: “I really don’t thing it’s fair that there’re only 364...

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 14:49:00 -0500

sendingicebergs:

lipsbetweenthehips:

“I really don’t thing it’s fair that there’re only 364 International Men’s Days a year.”

—

(via shitnoonehaseversaid)

As righteous as this is, thing and think are totally different.

Embarrassing. The original has been fixed. The ~~editer~~ editor needs ~~and~~ an editor.

"I really don’t think it’s fair that there’re only 364 International Men’s..."

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 10:47:00 -0500

“I really don’t think it’s fair that there’re only 364 International Men’s Days a year.”

"How dare Natalie Portman flaunt her out-of-wedlock pregnancy on the Oscars! Whatever happened to the..."

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 10:02:06 -0500

“How dare Natalie Portman flaunt her out-of-wedlock pregnancy on the Oscars! Whatever happened to the good ol’ days, when out-of-wedlock pregnancies were flaunted in People Magazine, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Dancing With The Stars, and Sarah Palin’s Alaska?”

"192,000 new jobs added in February? Wow, defunding Planned Parenthood really DOES work."

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 11:42:59 -0500

“192,000 new jobs added in February? Wow, defunding Planned Parenthood really DOES work.”

"When given the choice between New York and Chicago style pizza, I choose Pizza Hut."

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 13:11:46 -0500

“When given the choice between New York and Chicago style pizza, I choose Pizza Hut.”

- Submitted by brvtalbrodeo

"Wait…Charlie Sheen went crazy? I must have missed that."

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 11:12:22 -0500

“Wait…Charlie Sheen went crazy? I must have missed that.”

"I’d like my vanity plate to say, “PRBLY DRUNK,” please."

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 09:52:25 -0500

“I’d like my vanity plate to say, “PRBLY DRUNK,” please.”

"I liked Sofia Coppola better when she was in Godfather III."

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 09:17:21 -0500

“I liked Sofia Coppola better when she was in Godfather III.”

"Ryan Gosling reminds me of a young Gary Busey."

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 14:15:43 -0500

“Ryan Gosling reminds me of a young Gary Busey.”

"The only director who could make Anne Hathaway turn in a dynamic and exciting performance is M...."

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 12:38:58 -0500

“The only director who could make Anne Hathaway turn in a dynamic and exciting performance is M. Night Shyamalan.”

"I’ve won many debates over the internet."

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 13:06:01 -0500

“I’ve won many debates over the internet.”

"I’ll still like Radiohead’s new album, even if Pitchfork bashes it."

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 14:00:33 -0500

““I’ll still like Radiohead’s new album, even if Pitchfork bashes it.””

- Submitted by cometpunch