"I think the word that you are looking for to complete your review of Bukowski’s Factotem is ‘endearing’."

— Submitted by rmontcal

8:05 pm  •  20 January 2011  •  17 notes

"It makes me feel good about the world that the twelve year old next to me on the train has a nicer cell phone than me."

10:15 am  •  20 January 2011  •  60 notes

"I think you’ll find that Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher’s new Romantic Comedy No Strings Attached has a surprising ending that we’ll all be analyzing for years to come."

— Submitted by brvtalbrodeo

3:23 pm  •  19 January 2011  •  64 notes

"I prefer direct to DVD releases."

— Submitted by Ian 

7:52 pm  •  18 January 2011  •  15 notes

"We should take it slowly, except for the sex part."

7:07 pm  •  18 January 2011  •  43 notes

"The Office without Steve Carell is going to be even funnier."

3:08 pm  •  17 January 2011  •  64 notes

"I’d go see Nic Cage’s “Season of the Witch” but I’m afraid the theater would be packed with all of the people who didn’t see it last weekend."

3:43 pm  •  14 January 2011  •  43 notes

"I find that screaming “WOOOO!” again and again, like a drunk redneck at a Monster Truck rally, is the best way to express my grief at a nationally televised memorial service."

— Submitted by brvtalbrodeo

12:23 pm  •  13 January 2011  •  48 notes

"I would like you to be the person to whom I send pictures of my genitals."

12:57 pm  •  12 January 2011  •  45 notes

"If I, Sarah Palin, did anything to escalate the rhetoric that lead to the shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and others, I sincerely apologize, and I promise to try my best to avoid such rhetoric in the future, because human lives are more important than political victories."

— Submitted by dshezno

11:00 am  •  10 January 2011  •  218 notes